Hitting the Wall

Well, I’ve been working on this National Novel Writing Month project. I have been working on characterization of both the protagonist and antagonist. I’ve been using the book, The 90 Day Novel: Unlock the Story Within. It has been a wonderful. I love the writing prompts and the process of working on protagonist and antagonist through evaluating their motivations and needs. I’ve been writing and writing. Sometimes the words just flow and I’ve even had flashes of the ending of the story. I’ve seen the end in my mind. I know where it’s going.

I got to the 30 day prompt in this lovely book and I hit the wall. The prompt for that day was “Write the Story”. What!? You were telling me to hold the story loosely. I don’t have a plan. I’m stuck. I came to a screeching halt. My mind went totally blank. I didn’t expect such a response from my internal fear button. I hit that wall and stopped writing. I had the disease-writer’s block.

What’s the story?  What’s the plot line? How do I get here? How do I even start?

So I closed my word processor. I walked away. I was uncomfortable and I was ready to give up. I didn’t know where to go or how to begin. I felt like a failure. I can’t write a story. I don’t have the skill. Wait-what did you just say? Skill- well, a skill can be learned. I opened some books and began to read. The appendix of the The 90 Day Novel: Unlock the Story Within was very helpful in alleviating the fear. I am very grateful to the author for showing his process and bearing those first drafts for the world to see. The first drafts from the author were just like I write. He had a ton of telling instead of showing. I beat myself up for that, but hey maybe everyone does it that way. The rewrite was amazing. It showed the first vs. the published version of his story. There was an amazing transformation. I took that lesson to heart and felt the truth of first drafts are rubbish, but don’t stop. You don’t know what you have until you are done.

Now, I needed a plan for how to begin. I went to The Story Template: Conquer Writer’s Block Using the Universal Structure of Story. Yes, I can do this! Each part of the story is listed and brief descriptions are given. I have a plan. I can get a terrible first draft out. Then fix all the problems in the rewrite. Or maybe fix them in the second and third rewrite. Don’t stop. Never give up and never surrender. Look for a path through the darkness.

I’ll keep you posted. Word count: 20,141.

 

The Man in the Arena

    “The Man in the Arena” is quoted every year on my son’s wrestling banquet program. I love that the coach is praising the attempt. He speaks to the courage it takes to be on a wrestling team. While it is a team sport, it is only you and your opponent on the mat. All eyes are on you. You stand or fall alone.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blodd; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt

Excerpt from the speech “Citizen in a Republic”

April 23, 1910

   
   I think that the stand or fall is true for all of us-no matter what we do. Some of us take the stand and go out into that arena. We try and try again. For artists and authors, our arena is just as public as those wrestlers. We stand up and say look here is my effort. It is so hard to remember that it is not the critic who places value onto your work. You must have the fortitude to know that everyone sees things differently and that critic may not see your way. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One person may point out the faults and the next may praise your work.

    How do you feel about your effort? Does it speak to you? Are you proud? Do you love your art? You should have enthusiasm, love, and devotion to the art that you make. It is an outlet for your creativity. Never let the fear of a critic stand in your way. Remember you are not a timid soul who hides in the crowd. You had the courage to place yourself front and center. You stand in the harsh light. You have taken a risk. Raise your head with pride and return to the arena. Never give up; never surrender.

Who is a Monster?

As I was reading Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, I thought about the question-what defines a monster?

From the movies, we look at the creation as the horrible abomination. We label this new life created from grave yard pieces as the monster. Victor Frankenstein is the noble scientist; a victim of a science experiment gone wrong. This version is far from the vision of Mary Shelley.

But really, who is the monster? When he was first created, the creature was innocent and intelligent. He didn’t know that he was different. He was left alone by Victor who ran away from his responsibility to a new life. It was Victor’s treatment of him that created the angry and vengeful spirit-the monster was born from neglect. The creature became a monster in response to the reactions that his creator showed him. He internalized the horror

Victor started out to defeat death. He wanted to create a world where no one would die. Wow, I wonder how that’s going to turn out. He is a genius who has used his talent unwisely. Nature will see that he is punished for his vanity. Unfortunately, the innocent creation pays a high price for Victor’s mistake.

The dictionary isn’t much help. It just says a monster is any creature that is so ugly or monstrous as to frighten people. That’s not much help. That could describe anything. Also, ugly really shouldn’t be an aspect that defines a monster. Really, beauty is in the eye of the beholder which implies that ugly is too. Shouldn’t a monster be more universal than that? Monsters are all around us. They hide in the shadows. They try to blend into the background because when we see them-we will do something about them.

A second definition talks about a person who excites horror by wickedness or cruelty. Now, that is a definition that we can work with.  It is horrifying when a person goes out and causes random harm to others. We know a monster when we hear about them. But what if they are just frightened people making mistakes.  The Twilight Zone episode, “The Monsters are due on Maple Street”, comes to mind. The fear that the neighborhood felt had to be directed somewhere. Each event had to be blamed on someone. The person blamed had to be on the street. They couldn’t imagine that the events could be coming from an unseen force. Having someone to blame made them feel a little more in control.

Since we all can feel fear and act irrationally, do we all carry the monster within us?